Parents should learn to give permission taking into account the type of permission and the child's personality.
From the age of 13, adolescents begin to demand more freedom in many aspects, from choosing their own clothes to the time of arrival home. At these ages the adolescent begins to spend more time with friends and many parents do not know how to act before this. Some are too lax and others are too strict. What is the correct limit? There are ways to do it, taking into account the type of permission and the personality of the minor.
There are parents who are too strict about the permissions. This usually leads to young people telling lies and using tricks to get things done. On the contrary, there are other parents who are not even asked for permission because they do not serve the interests of their children. Neither of these extremes is good.
Do not forget that the golden rule of permits is always to reach a good negotiation, which is fair for them and reassuring for you ( parents). By dialoguing, you can always establish favorable conditions for both parties.
1. OBSERVE YOUR CHILD Do you see him responsible? Are you autonomous? Is he mature enough to respect the schedule you've set for him? Do you collaborate with housework? Is it consistent with your actions? Do you worry about your grades from school? Before defining a permission limit time , remember that there is no exact time for each age. More than age, what matters is their maturity and responsibility. It is recommended that he also knows this, so you will avoid the typical comments comparing yourself with his friends . It should be clear to your child that the time of arrival home does not depend exclusively on his age.
2. KNOW YOUR FRIENDS Not only is the degree of maturity that your child has, it is enough to value their friends and the degree of trust they bring you. If you know that he usually meets boys he knows from a young age, that they are a good influence and that they will also be in the neighborhood, we can be more flexible with the arrival time. However, if they are unreliable friends it is better to limit the hours. You can always try to negotiate with him by telling him that if you had more information about his friends or about what they are going to do you would be calmer and perhaps in the future you would be more flexible regarding the schedule. You also have to take into account the characteristics of where you live and where you will go.
3. AGREEMENT The best time to talk about established permits is when you are both in a good mood and calm. Let them know the deadline you have chosen for your return home. Give your reasons without sounding threatening or authoritative. Sure, he tries to refute your decision, tell him that you take into account his point of view and that based on his behavior, as he follows the schedule you will expand the permission schedule , but for the time being it may not be possible. If it is a special day, the hours can be extended by 2 or 3 more hours, for example a birthday, anniversary of the district, etc., but it must be clear that it will only happen at certain times and that it will be very strict in this regard. .
Article Source: Published in Trome Magazine on 02/17/2017. Access link https://trome.pe/familia/adolescentes-manejar-permisos-hijos-40613